Monday, March 9, 2015

Step Over This Line

Step Over This Line

Today is our Anniversary. Forty one years ago at the ripe old age of nineteen we said I do to one another and pledged the rest of our lives in front of God and family.

I have had people ask me "what is the secret" and I have thought a while on that since it really does seem that so many people are not making it to forty one years. I have come to one conclusion. Most people have no idea what marriage is.

I think most people think that getting married means that two individuals agree to "share" their lives together in order to make each one more fulfilling. While this may sound very comforting, I believe it is a complete falsehood put forth to trap people in a no win situation.

God created marriage back a long time ago in the garden. One man and one woman ( I know, I never claimed to be PC) joined together for life. This is what happens when two people get married. God created the contract of marriage, therefore He gets to write the conditions. Everyone who gets married enters into this contract. It does not matter if they believe they are doing that, they are.

Once you step over that line, once you say "I do", something happens. Matt 19:5 says and He also said: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh".  Now people can say I don't believe the Bible, it doesn't matter. I can say I don't believe in gravity, that does not give me the ability to fly.

This was put into words by a Psychiatrist friend of mine Jeff. The moment you enter into the covenant of marriage, the creature that was know as I or me, ceases to exist. And a new creature is born. This creature is the "us". This us creature is going to have different priorities than the I did, it is going to have different goals than the I did and it is going to have different strategy of life than the I did. Every decision made from here on out must be made to benefit the us.

This new creature can bring you great joy and a very fulfilling life, if you acknowledge it and respect it. If you refuse and attempt to drag back in the I, you will be frustrated, angry and both will be destroyed.

I have often thought of it this way. If you take two different colors of Play Doh and join them together they become one lump. Now while it may be theoretically possible to get the two back apart it is going to require quite a bit of pulling and tearing, and I doubt you will ever them them back without leaving at least some of the other behind.

 Once the two are joined, to bring the I or me back into the picture is to begin the tearing process. It is going to happen. It does to everyone. The question is are you willing to kill it when it does.  Only one can exist over time, either the I or the us. Too much of the I is toxic to the us and the I cannot remain within the us.

Sure there are going to be moments when like a screaming child we demand our way, but anyone who has been married knows what that does.

So before you step over that line. Before you walk down that aisle. Are you willing to give up the I? Is what you want more important than any other thing right now? Or are you willing to give up your hopes and dreams for the chance at something better with the us.

We did not come to this realization for many years after we said I do and we have the scares to prove it. Once you are joined there will be great pain getting the I back again. Think before you step over that line.